“When are you getting married again?” This is what my 6-year-old asks the other night.

“I don’t really know,” I answer honestly. I feel bad for him. He craves male attention and when he gets it, basks in it with all the liveliness a little boy can muster.

I worry constantly that my sons don’t have consistent, positive male influences. My father and brother live on the east coast and they see them maybe once a year. Their father lives nine hours away, and they see him two or three times a year. There are many families in our church with present fathers, but we are only there a few times a week.

We tried boy scouts for my older son, but he lost interest and there wasn’t always enough time to fit the weekly meetings into our already hectic schedule. All their teachers have been female, until this year my third-grader finally has a male teacher, who is one of only three in the entire school staff. 

So, it’s just me and them. And I watch them gravitate towards men they know at church. I watch them catch the eye of strangers in the grocery store who look nice to them. I watch them perform antics for any friends of mine that might be male. And I worry that I am short changing them for not trying harder to have a relationship. 

I’m busy. I’m happy. I’m not interested. But, is that fair to them? Would their lives be more balanced with a man in the house? Am I being selfish?